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When I was pregnant at 17, my parents gave me total control over making my own decision. They never told me what they wanted me to do or what they hoped I would do. They did tell me what they would do. They said if I wanted to have an abortion they would pay for it. If I wanted to parent the child, I could live at home, but they would not raise the child for me. They would be grandma and grandpa, but not mom and dad. They also said if I wanted to make an adoption plan, they would support me in that.
I did a lot of soul searching and tough decision making. I made the best decision for myself, my child and her adoptive parents and extended family. I really can't think of anyone who is not benefiting from my decision. I, personally, have never once wavered about the rightness of my decision.
That being said, it definately was hard. I cried every day for months. Then I cried every other day for more months. I started sleeping with my stuffed animals again (and still do occasionally). I had a tough time with peers because I felt like an old lady on the one hand but a little tiny child on the other. I had dealt with so much more than most people I knew and had gained a lot of life's wisdom, yet was so vulnerable, too.
My healing has been going on for almost nine years, now. My birthdaughter and I have such an amazing relationship. I love her with all my heart and would still do anything for her. I also know that she loves me and that our bond has never been broken. Altered, but not broken.
If adoption is something that your step-daughter thinks will be a good decision for her, help make it possible for her. It can be a fantastic solution to a really difficult situation.
One thing that really helped me when I was making my decision was a book that I read. It is written with pregnant teenagers who are thinking about adoption in mind. It is called "Pregnant? Adoption is an Option" and it is by Jeanne Lindsay Warren. It is a fairly old book (written in the mid to late 80s, I think, maybe '92) but it is an interesting and easy read. It has a lot of personal vignettes and talks about all different options. I really recommend it.
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