[tobeafamily]

It absolutely works for us, and I think they'd say the same. Ryan has his complete history in his life, from a medical standpoint we are aware of any biological history that would impact diagnosis and treatment, and his birth family can see that he's doing well and is thriving.

Now, it's also hard at times, especially where values and lifestyles clash and it's very hard to see the grief that is still there amongst the love and joy. It helps that we all like each other and would've been friends otherwise. Ours is not the norm - most situations aren't as integrated as ours. It's what we and they wanted though. Honestly, I didn't want my child getting tangled up emotionally about who he is and why we're raising him. Open relationships 'demistify' that.

Ultimately, though, your daughter's decision must be about what she wants for herself and for her child. Yes, it's easy to say 'see how these people love their adopted children' but that really shouldn't be a factor. For her, it's a decision to either parent a child or to make a plan with someone else to raise the child.

Is it selfish? I think that can be used to describe both parenting a child and placing. It's not so much about your daughter or paparents as it is about what she wants for her child, and that's way more complex than simple selfish/not selfish.

HTH,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas