|
Me too! I placed my son in October 1981 and it was a closed adoption through my churches agency. I was in my last year of college and (I don't know why this is so important to my decision but it was)was raised by a grandmother. we were very poor and I had worked hard to go to college. I was three semesters away from graduating when I found out I was pregnant. His father was a casual relationship and would be no help. I wanted the baby to have a family with parents that could do things with him afford to give him some nice things and of course love him. I had the opportunity to know a family that had adopted two children and knew they were so thrilled and excited when they adopted babies I knew he would be loved.
Anyway, I decided to myself I made the first decision and I signed the form saying if he ever contacted the agency and wanted to know about me they had permissison to give him my name and address and I kept my address current with them. I had also planned to register with the online adoption search programs so if he wanted to contact me he could. I met a wonderful man two years later we were married and have had three lovely kids. I told my husband about my first son before we were married but I had never told the kids. I thought that it would be hard for them to think of a brother and never know him. I knew boys didn't search for birth families as often as girls.
March of 2002 he called and left a message on the answering machine telling me his name and that he wanted to "thank" me. He left his cell phone number too. Needless to say my hands were shaking when I called him back. It was so wonderful-like a miracle to talk to him. We invited him to our home and his commanding officer helped him make arrangements to fly up and spend a week with us. He is in the marines, and he looks more like me than the other three kids! My husband and I had a 16 year son, a 13 year old daughter and our youngest son was 9. They were about as shocked as they could be-the oldest boy was a little angry for a while-I think felt a little displaced as the oldest son. Our daughter is mature for her age and a fairly dramatic person and thought it was the "coolest" thing. She loves her oldest brother so much.
I have sent a couple of e-mails to his adoptive family and we have exchanged christmas cards with pictures. He has the most wonderful family. I am so relieved to know him and his family.
He got back from Kuwaite about two months ago and called once since then. He gets out of the Marines next January and I'm hoping he'll come up ice fishing!
I work for social services--with adult mental health clients so I am kind of familiar with some of the situations I read on these boards. My heart goes out so many of them. I really feel blessed that my decision turned out like it did.
Just one thought--I had the closed adoption but knew I would receive pictures when he was one year old. I had written him a letter (which he still has) and I wrote one to the adoptive family. They sent me a very nice letter also. At the time-when I received the one year pictures I knew that there wouldn't be anymore contact unless he contacted me and I felt a bit of closure-almost a relief and free to go on with my own life at that point...I continues to think about him a lot-daily at first-then birthdays, when I'd see kids his age, but there was a peace also. Have you had any contact with your birth child?
|