[Cricket8351]

I can only help you with two of your questions based on my own experiences.

"Next we have questions like:

How do you tell a child they are adopted?
When to tell a child they are adopted?"

I was adopted by my father when I was 2 years old. My parents told me from the very beginning that I had another father. My mother said they told me the story of "me" when I was three and they continued to tell me as I grew up adding information as my maturity developed. She said when they first told me...I listened intently and then said..."why did ya'll tell me all that mess?" My mother said..."No its not mess baby...its true." Who knows why I responded that way...I have always been a bit weird!

I don't remember NOT knowing about my birthfather but I do remember the point when it was no longer just a "story" and became reality.

When I was in 3rd or 4th grade we had to write our story. A little autobiography if you will. My mother was helping me with it and I was putting information like when my parents got married and when and where I was born. I got really confused because the dates were so different and I couldnt figure it out.

Now mind you I had known about my birthfather and the story of "me" for as long as I could remember but I had not up until that point been able to integrate the information. I could have even told you that I had another father and relayed the story just as I had always been told etc.

My mother said remember when we told you about your birthfather and how your daddy adopted you? That is when it all came together and made sense. The story of "me" was real and wasn't just a story. I finally understood what it meant.

I don't know if this makes sense and I am not sure I can put into words how all the pieces fell into place at that point but it did. It was like all the sudden I knew I was adopted...it finally became real and was a part of me and my history.

I am thankful that my parents began telling me from the very beginning. Although I didn't understand it when they started, when I finally did get "it" I think it was easier. It was not a surprise.

I think we will do the same thing with our child. Begin telling the child at the very beginning so there won't be a magic age when we give them the news. They will always know and hopefully won't remember no knowing.

Hope that helps you. I know my situation was a bit different because my mother is my birthmother but we still had to deal with the fact that my "daddy" is not my birth father.

T