[tobeafamily]

Hi Carol,

I'd consult with your attorney on the legal issues, ask if they should send a letter to bgrandma asking for bdad info and if she doesn't surrender, then leave it alone, or something like that. Just want to be sure they cover all the bases completely. As far as bmom, if she signed her termination of rights and any waiting period is expired, she has really no legal recourse to reclaim.

We're in a fully open adoption with Ryan's bfamily. At first, contact was very frequent, especially as his bparents grieved. As time goes by, we talk less frequently, though still make it a point to touch base every month or so. They love their son, are very happy that he's doing well. They don't seem to have the need though to hear as often.

This is still very 'new' for your son's bmom, hormones are still raging and the pain is still fresh. It doesn't ever go away, though she will with time heal and learn coping mechanisms. In the meantime, I'd suggest first talking with her SW about your feelings and concerns. Maybe consider setting up regular times to talk, maybe once every other week. If she calls in between then, tell her polietly that you're not able to talk now, but are looking forward to your next scheduled call.

As far as coming to stay with you, given her current situation, I'd advise against them for now. She's in pain, having lots of living arrangement/family issues, this I don't see as something that will help her at all, though she might think so. A couple of times when Ryan's bmom's living situations have gotten 'dicey', she's hinted that she wants to come visit & stay with us. We've always declined, though in a very polite way. In the future, perhaps, you might want to meet her someplace for vacation, or she might come and visit, staying in a hotel. I wouldn't 100 % close that door forever.

Since this is now semi-open, I'd recommend reading The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Molina if you haven't already. She gives some very good insights and thoughts.

Best of luck, it's difficult at times. You're a good Mom though wanting to do what's best for your son and the woman who gave him life. Someday your son may thank you for keeping this contact so he can have access to his bio history. God forbid, someday you might just need that bio connection for medical treatment.

This, too, shall pass. IMHO

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas