[tobeafamily]

I'm assuming at this point that a TPR has been completed for your child's bmom and that TPR has been handled for any unknown Bdad, correct?

Either way, I'd do a couple of things:

1. Arrange for counseling to be available to this young lady and her family. They are grieving.

2. Suggest you get together to create some ground rules or agreed upon actions in your open adoption so everyone understands their roles & responsibilities. This includes things like phone calls, visits, letters, etc. Use an experienced adoption coordinator or moderator or a religous leader as a third party if that helps.

3. If you haven't done TPR yet with bdad or have gotten termination through any unknown bdad, I'd suggest getting bdad's name and contact info to your attorney and allowing them to handle. I'd definitely be proactive and initiate some direct contact. What you're being told may not be the entire story with this young man, and he may not be getting the entire story either.

Lastly, you might want to get in touch with Brenda Romanchik at Open Adoption Insight for her thoughts on this. She's an experienced adoption educator. I've found her posts here and elsewhere are always insightful. You can google the name to get her contact info.

Best of luck,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas