[Missy M]

Originally posted by Skye Hardwick
Hello, I thought I'd post this poll I thought up on two boards here at the forum -- I think it will be interesting to read everyone's!! It kind of only fits bMoms and aMoms - but adoptees are welcome to jump in on it!
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1.) How are you connected to adoption?

***I am b-mom to my second born daughter, Tovia Vonetye***


2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?

***Yes, I go over to the agency I used and we do a ballon release as part of a wonderful ceramony and I also volunteer at the festivals in which older kids in the system are introduced to p-aparents.***

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?


***I have a cousin who was adopted. There were also several church members with adopted kids.***


4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?

***It was to the best of my knowledge about age 8 or 9 when my Moms sister and her husband adopted my cousin Cheryl.***


5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?


***No, I never even heard the subject discussed; to do so would have caused that mother to be judged harshly.***


4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?

***See #3....


5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?

***My adoption was hidden from my extended family and friends.***

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?

*** I'd have never kept silent when I discovered she lived 2 doors away from me. I would have told her a-parents who I was and how I felt about her being there.***



7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?


***OMGod....are you kidding??? It changed every aspect of my life; I stopped sleeping around and became the kind of person who could have raised her. I became someoneshe could be proud to call Mommy. I went to college, got 2 masters degrees, got a great career started, married and had other kids, all with the foolish impossible fantasy-idea that she would be "awarded" back to me for a job well done someday!***


8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?

*** I've learned so much about adoption that I don't automatically feel it's the right thing to do. I certainly felt the desperation that comes with facing that choice, but I didn't know how much inner strength I actually had, or what options were available to me. I am so in favor of open adoption or at least providing and making sure the adult child will have the info they need when the time comes.***

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?

***Closed that became "closed with benefits" with her being placed 2 doors away from me.

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

***N/A ....but in my situation it was not being able to reveal myself for so long. Just seeing her without having her was very hard.***

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it? ***N/A***

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)

***That her a-parents weren't honest with her.They were so threatened by the thought of her having b-parents that they never told her she was adopted. I have so much love and respect for them because I feel they did this because of their fear of loosing her. I also think that a and b parents are more alike than different. ***

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?

****The secrecy, the lies, the fact that my daughter had to get a court order to learn the basic facts of her own life. I hate that agency's charge so much for their services and although they are staffed by professionals they seem to lack insight into the basic needs of triad members. IMHO they would be better staffed if they simply used triad members. I detest the fact that there are no laws in place world-wide to protect open adoptions from becoming closed.***



14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

*** There is no reason why I wouldn't BUT I never did.***




15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?

***NO! They placed my daughter 2 doors away from me after extensive home studies....THEY KNEW but didn't give a flick about my feelings or any thoughts about hers. It was simply a money thing. UGH!!! Don't get me started.***




16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?

***I am in both a support group besides this forum and I have a therapist.***

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

See # 15

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

***That b-moms can / should/ will just "get over it" that having Tovia so close wasn't like we were "really apart," that I didn't have the same pains griefs and issues that other b-moms in closed adoption have, that feeling that you've made the right decision means it shouldn't hurt. People don't understand that my feelings for Tovia are identical to the ones I have for my raised kids. Its never mattered WHERE she lived, just as it didn't alter my love when Keri and Kia went off to college, it only mattered that she was my child.***

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?

***This site and your site have been most helpful, as have your poetry and stories.***


20.) Write anything you wish here:

Hi Skye....great questions....I miss you all over there.>>>>Marcia M