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Yes, having the word attunement is helpful in the understanding of what really is lacking in your daughter's life. I do hear your frustration/angry, rightfully so, with the lack of accurate information prior and after you received your daughter. For some reason, many professionals still do not understand the complex issues around attachment disorder. I am very sorry you had to experience that first hand.
I do agree completely with Shai's Mom and how she was describing the attunement process with an older child. Trying to view your daughter as your baby is difficult, especially after 4 hour tantrums. I appreciate the idea of holding and rocking your daughter. Most likely she will fight this at first, because she may have never had this experience and will fight the closeness. However, this is exactly what she needs. If you can find the strength as you are holding her to reassure her that you understand that it is difficult for her to be held and you will help her feel safe and loved. This may take some time, but you want to help her with these feelings. Empathizing with how she may be feeling and why she is feeling this way, can help ease the pain she is carrying and the need for her to push everyone away with her bad behavior.
Our thoughts are with you as you continue on this journey and we wish you the best. Please remember to be good to yourself, there is nothing harder than parenting a child with these issues.
Cindy
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