[HappyMomAnna]

In fact I wish the focus was there more days then not! This is exactly what I would like to see offered to our situation.

Just so that you understand where I am coming from: We had placement for adoption a little girl of 5 and her baby borther age one just a little over one year ago. The little girl came with many evaluations and each and every one said: NO ATTACHMENT issues seen or detected. In fact we were told "she is ready to attach with her new forever family and there is no reason to believe attachment will be an issue"

So the time goes on and the honeymoon ends and we are standing there with a laundry list of issues. Tanturms, possible pre-memory sexual abuse and some behavior matters. Things we know regualr everyday parents do in fact face.

I start the quest of seeking HELP. With therapy and intervention and all that we can find under any rock around town,.....the next town over and 30 miles away. Three different doctors and therapy methods and ALL AGREE she has not one sign of attachment issue to work on or be concerned with!

But, some of the problems are still huge for us--we cannot deal with 4 hour tantrums every other day with a child who is more then half my body weight! We simply need some help and ideas on dealing with them---we need some ideas and advice on the sexualized behaviors and we need some moral support.

So I find several web sites of other adoptive parents including this one......and start posting the details of problems and the ONLY ANSWER I GET IS ATTACHMENT ATTACHMENT ATTACHMENT!
If I say three doctors have told me it is not the problem and the school thinks I am nuts--the adivce is that I HAVE NOT WORKED HARD ENOUGH TO FIND THE 'RIGHT' DOCTOR OR THERAPY!

I am not alone here--there are others who would love a simple suggestion for a typical problem many parents face--but only hear the words ATTACHMENT!

In our case no matter how clearly I try to express the situation--I am told attachment is the problem---but, the word ATTUNEMNET hits me in the GUT! That is the issue we are dealing with more then anything else! ATTUNMENT is the word that says the feelings I have in my situation....I have attuned with baby brother--but not as well with big sister and if one person had a few suggestions to let me know how to foster attunment with this little girl I think the problems we face would diminish very much!

Thanks for your post--you have given me the WORD I have been looking for.

Anna