Thanks Guys,
Sally, that’s what po’d me the most, is no reply at all. I wrote that I’d respect her wishes if in turn she’d afford me the same respect by letting me know her feelings on sharing information.
And the illness/extended vacation/death/son-filtering scenarios were taken into account. Having her dob and ssn, I was able to pull everything on her and as of August she was current and with new stuff also. So she’s active. Still, her son could have filtered. But I would hope (idealistically) that his honorable USAF discharge would preclude him from opening another’s mail…but who knows…he could have been the one that got the message from the neighbor originally and is choosing to be her shield. Hence, my ponderings about addressing each of them simultaneously but separately. But how to address HIM? If I go that route, I feel I need to be able to convince him that it’s safe to let her read my letter to her…perhaps include a copy of it for him?
Originally I supposed that contacting Mary Ann wouldn’t be all that big a deal (for her)…after all, in my mind, she doesn’t share any responsibility for the situation. I see that aspect differently now… We do share the same mother but that doesn’t make us family. (And to substantiate that statement, the agency has confirmed the name that I have as my bmom is factual and my birth-index research confirms that Mary Ann is her daughter, (different fathers) 15 years prior to me. I’ve scrolled through the microfilms of the Tx birth index of our birth years.)
I like the idea of including a SASE, Snuffie, and actually considered doing that with my original letter, but I really felt that (for some reason in my unorthodox mind) that doing that might make it TOO easy for her to say “stay away”…kinda like filling in the blanks to a poll. If she’s gonna write how hard is it to address an envelope and stamp it? I guess I have my answer to that in getting no reply!!!
I would like to think that in my next attempt that my powers of persuasion would let her get her own stamp!!! (Geez, do I reek, or what??) I have every time included “a way out” but at the same time have included enough information that if that way out was taken, subconsciously, it would be impossible to not admit the truth to her/themselves. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I have the right person.
The only doubt I have now is my ability to persuade that person, from a thousand miles away – through the written word – (and gawd how easy it is to read the word how one reads it rather than how it was written!) to agree with my point of view !!
I’ve been spending some time composing a letter…ONE letter that would be able to be sent to Mary Ann, her son, AND the agency post-adoption caseworker but I don’t know if I’ll be able to succeed at that task. I may end up writing to Mary Ann then including a copy and a separate cover letter to the other two…..or should I include the caseworker later as a last resort?
My feeling now is that after how much contact I have tried to initiate thus far, (messenger, letter, calls) with no reply, is that my next might well be my last chance to make a success of it.
My dilemma, I think, is two-fold: gain enough confidence for sharing and then manage for the first contact with bmom to be by me. But I may have to settle for a letter from me being delivered by my sis. Not meaning to be disrespectful of Mary Ann but I think her non-replying thus far is an indication of the caliber of “stay-out-of-it-ness” I can expect from her. Meaning, letting my letter speak for itself without her added input. But I suppose I’m stuck there. Ideally, it would be nice to have her get the okay from her Mom for me to write directly to her.
Envisioning myself in Mary Ann’s position, I would have to know the max of anyone trying to contact MY Mother. C’est la vie.
Is my impression of this whole thing demented, or is it just me?
Can it be done? I don’t wanna break the bank, I just want permission to get in!!! (I wish I had the life-experience of my sister so I could know how to – excuse me – manipulate – her.)
Hugs,
Jim