[Zeebugman]

Greetings Folks,

Oh, how I wish I had found these forums a year ago! Had I, I’d be feeling much less reluctance (or, more confident in my abilities) in continuing attempts at contact. It looks like I’ve made my job double tough. At least, I feel that way right now, after having scoured these pages over the last weeks. Imagination sucks.

Since ’95 when I first got online (WebTV only lasted a week!), I’ve been hard at it and then last March I hit pay dirt in identifying and locating my 67-year-old maternal half-sister. I hadn’t really expected finding a sibling before my birthmother so I had to revamp my plans. Her phone is unlisted so I found a neighbor’s number (I live in Rochester, NY – she in Abilene, TX) and called asking to deliver a message concerning my genealogy search and included her mother & father’s names and my phone number. The favor was agreed to…the first negative – no reply from anyone.

After a week I made several calls to the neighbor’s answering machine – they had agreed to let me know when the message was delivered – with no reply. I drafted a letter and a couple of weeks later sent it certified. I had maybe 15 people give me their opinion of the letter, made some changes, and then it went out. Her son (who has/had a separate, different town, mailing address) signed for it. So I don’t know if the letter was read, and if so by whom.

In the letter I outlined how the possibility existed that she and I might share the same mother, included a page from my non-id that had bio information of my/our maternal side, and in closing assured her that if she had no wish to share information I would respect her wishes provided that she informed me as such. No response. As I mentioned before, the only thing I know for sure is that the letter was received. That was May of last year.

I have to say, especially after having read through these archives, that to do it again I would probably have gone a bit slower and subtler, and communicated with much more compassion for where her head might be. It bugs me now that not one of all the people I had read the letter prior to sending it made a statement of her point of view and feelings. It bugs me, too, that I wasn’t more attentive!

A month or so after sending, I got REAL depressed when going over the letter. In the page of the non-id I included, is this, concerning her: “…15 years old; raised by great aunt and uncle who raised mother; suffered from malnutrition before relatives took her; apparently neglected by mother…” Is it any wonder why I haven’t heard back??? How many times have I read my non-id over the years….

In August, I made probably three calls to her home (during the three months after sending the letter, I was able to get A LOT of information on her…), always mentioning, to the factory-answering-machine-voice, to let me know if I had the wrong number or to tell me to just go away, and have had no reply. In September, I was in San Antonio for my niece’s wedding and had it not been for the 24-7 amount of work that had to be done for the reception at the house, I would have made the 225-mile trip to Abilene. I had full intentions to do so until I found out that I had to do the wedding-planner thing (move over Franck Eggelhoffer!). Maybe that was a good thing…

So I’ve been silent since August but I’m starting to get that old feeling of urgency back…birthmother was born in ’17 so if she’s still around that puts her at 87 and I still haven’t been able to locate anyone other than Mary Ann – have a paternal ½ brother and nothing to go on to find him or bdad without Mary Ann’s help. One thing I DO have is the possibility of a post-adoption caseworker’s help at the agency I was adopted from…I hear she goes the extra mile to assist in making contact. I’ve also been on the verge of penning certified notes to both Mary Ann AND her son…but I’m stuck now on how best to do that.

If anyone has any ideas on my options, I’d appreciate the input…and it’s okay to slap me first…

Thanx a bunch,
Peace,
Jim