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Originally Posted By dianeh

I forgot to add that good and thorough counseling, done well, should allow a birthmom to freely choose from a range of options. If she has resources and support and decides to parent her baby, great! If she chooses adoption, then has control over what kind, who the parents are, etc., she would (ideally) be less inclined to be bitter about not having a choice, having her child "taken" from her, etc., though she will still grieve. These choices should empower her and add to your sense of entitlement as well. I say "ideally" because, of course, not everything is ideal. Even if things *seem* ideal at the time of placement, they may not stay that way. All relationships have an ebb and flow. I've also learned that adoption is not an event, but a lifelong process.

Also remember that I'm coming from the amom's perspective (about the counseling thing), and a bmom may feel differently.