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I want to thank all of you who have posted here. It always makes things a little easier when you have the support of so many wonderful people. It is often difficult to discuss my pregnancy with family because everyone has their own personal agenda in giving advice. From my incredible mother who I think would grieve just as much as me if I placed, to a sister who is jealous that she has had to share her own pregnancy with her baby sister and consequently pushed me toward abortion first and now adoption, to my grandmother who offered to adopt my baby (but she’s 85) just to keep her in the family, and then back to a birth father who has stuck around but can’t wait to leave me after placement…I have all sorts of biased voices ringing in my head (some with better intentions than others). I think my struggle with my pregnancy stems not from sorting out what all of the people in my life want for me, but what I want for myself and my baby. I know it’s up to me, but my heart feels so many conflicting emotions that they seem impossible to straighten out. There are so many women out there who choose adoption because they truly have no other loving choice. I wish that my situation were black and white, but it is not. I am capable of raising a child, but there are so many wonderful adoptive parents out there who are so much more prepared than I am. Part of me is ready to shed the selfishness and immaturity of a typical young adulthood and embrace motherhood, and part of me wants to go back to being a “normal” 22 year old single woman whose career goals aren’t defined by the limitations of single parenthood and whose social life is not limited by finding a reliable babysitter. Anyway- I just want to thank everyone for their responses as I think everything through. This is the most difficult decision I think I will ever face.
-Kendra
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