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Jennylyn,
I am a birthmother as well. I placed my little girl almost 9 years ago. I also have a completely open adoption. Although it was an incredibly difficult time for me (the entire pregnancy and for a couple years afterwards) now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Adoption can be a wonderful solution to a difficult situation.
I know that it can be really scary to know that legally there isn't much protection from deceitful adoptive parents. I want to assure you that not all of them are dishonest. (I would venture to say that probably most of them are not.) The parents that are raising my birthdaughter are amazing. I am so happy with the job they are doing, my relationship with them and her and the fact that things have gone so well. I want you to know that it does happen.
I am wondering a couple things. One is are you working with an agency or independantly? How did you meet the potential adoptive parents?
The second thing is Have you ever heard of a cooperative agreement? I don't know if other people/agencies/workers call it something different, but basically it is a (fairly lengthy) form that adoptive and birth parents discuss and fill out together to have an idea of how much and what types of openness they are interested in and agree on. It is not a legally binding document, but it was described to me as "morally binding." When I filled it out, we talked about how often and when we would send letters, have visits and make phone calls. We also talked about if the adoptive parents would be in the hospital when the baby was born, in the room, who would care for her in the hospital and planned how we would leave the hospital.
We wrote down pretty detailed information- Letters at least 4 times a year in August, November, February, May-more if desired, Visits twice a year in summer and around Christmas, adoptive parents in the delivery room, a-dad cuts the cord, triple copies of birth certificate, feet prints, all other documents (for me, birthfather and adoptive parents)...Anyway, we wrote down a lot of different details. Even though we hardly even think about the form anymore, it was reassuring to talk about these different issues and have something in writing. Our relationship has developed into one that is much more casual than what we outlined. We write whenever we feel like it, visit whenever we are in the same state (3 or 4 times a year, but I usually stay at their home for a couple days or see them a few times in the space of a week). Even though our relationship is not what we outlined, the outline was a really good starting off point.
If you have any questions or would like to talk, feel free to PM me. I wish you strength and luck.
Lynn
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