I am 31 years old, and have an older brother, two years my senior. He was adopted at the age of 6 weeks, and I at the age of 2 years of age (4 years later).
We share no blood, and no common ground outside of the realm of "adoption", and even than, we are on opposite ends of the spectrum. I think we're both pretty text book examples of the primal wound theory, and both carry a ton of baggage that neither of us would ever discuss with each other. We do the polite holiday gatherings, and maybe the seldom phone call once a year, but always with a purpose of sorts. Most communication is electonic, and neither of us do much anymore to try to rectify that. At some point in our adult lives we tried to forge a relationship, but our lives and attitudes are so completely different, it's strained to have a conversation outside of the weather and football.
Seven years ago, I found my birth sister (full flood), and first called my brother to try and reassure him of his value in my life before initating contact with my sister. I vividly remember him laughing at me and saying "whatever". A simple sumation of our sibling bond.
So, what happens now, as I realize just what our relationship has become....a Christmas card with a RSVP per e-mail, and a New Year Card with $10 wrapped in a piece of notebook paper saying Merry Christmas to my kids. I think the tackiness is intentional, and the effort is meanial. Yet at the same time, I can't argue my side, with gifts sitting on the counter waiting to find their way into those kids' hands. I may be wrong in my principles, but I don't know how long I am suppose to keep trying when each time I get slapped in the face. So, am I just suppose to say "whatever"?
~imtimms
