[dl]

"50/50? Wow! That does seem unrealistic given the posts in this forum."

I was actually told the same thing by the social worker at the agency that handled my adoption and helped me find biofamily. This too is a large agency in a large midwest city with multiple offices. In addition to an affair in which the biomom chooses to stay in the marriage SW said that many times the biomom is no longer in a relationship with biofather and does not want to have the child affect her future relationships or life. A closed adoption allows her to protect her privacy. Also interesting, SW said that only 20% of biomoms are under 20. So often we only think of the young pregnant teenager.

While it may seem unrealistic given the posts in this forum keep in mind that the bioMother that did put her past behind her, that wanted to protect her privacy and move on, is not represented here on the forum. In spite of the posts from loving bioMothers that we see here, SW also has told me that when she initiates contact as an intermediary, there is a 50/50 chance that bioMothers will refuse contact. As many adoptees have posted this painful experience happened to them, as unrealistic as it may seem, it does happen.