|
Nickychaz,
I have no advice, but I know how you feel. It's heartbreaking when you look at the situation through a child's eyes. I'm a birthmom in an open adoption that was closed by the aparents after the first year. I recently tracked down my birthson's aparents and made contact with them. They sent photos of my birthson, but asked me not to contact them again. My birthson is now thirteen. I have another son, a twelve-year-old I am raising.
He has known about his older brother all his life. He was with me every step of the way during my search. He is so hurt and baffled by the adoptive parents' decision not to allow him contact with his brother. I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself and started to feel a little bit angry, when I realized what this is doing to my child, to both of my children... they are look-alike brothers a year apart in age. They should have grown up knowing each other... instead it appears they'll never know each other, if the aparents have their way. My son doesn't understand why the aparents would agree to an open adoption if they did not intend to honor it. He doesn't understand why the law won't protect us... why there are no laws in place to make people uphold these agreements. Sometimes I wonder if I should've just kept the whole thing from my son and never even told him that he has a brother. The whole thing has hurt him and made him sad, and I have no words to comfort him or to explain why all this has happened. Adoption does not only involve "the triad"... it touches many other people peripherially, and some of them are only children and do not deserve the pain, even at second hand. I am all for openness, and totally against secrecy and lying, but I wish my son did not have to know at the age of twelve the depravity and cruelty of which some people are capable. He doesn't get it, and I can't help him, because i don't get it either. This situation is incomprehensible to me, so how can I ever expect him to comprehend it?
I wish you the best of luck in your search. I hope your son gets to meet his biological grandmother someday, and that she welcomes you both with open arms.
Best wishes to you, ~ Sharon
|