[patrisha]

Missy M,

If you're looking for stats on success stories from the closed adoption era, you're missing my point completely. I wasn't criticizing the choice you made 30 years ago with the information available to you then. I was challenging any continued support of fully closed adoptions to birth mothers of today, despite the research and adult adoptee feedback that contradicts the previous philosophy of "out of sight - out of mind". I know most adoptees' from the closed era grew up well loved and successful, but if we've learned a way to make it even better for them then a little emotional discomfort on all the "parents" part shouldn't stand in the way.

You were also very lucky. You had the best of both worlds. I'm not sure you would have felt the same way about closed adoptions if like most of us you had no idea where or how your child was. I think if you are going to laud how well your closed adoption worked for you, then you should qualify it by adding that you did get to watch your child grow up for 14 years.

It's wonderful that you consider your daughter emotionally unscathed by her adoption experience. Although my son is also successful, he will be the first one to admit that he doesn't miss having the nagging questions about his adoption story, bio-family, and medical history always hanging around his psyche.

Trish