[Missy M]

I won't slam you for simply giving your opinion.....however I hope you understand that what I offered was mine; along with my feelings. I am not an advocate for closed adoption; I simply stated that I don't know if I could have handled open adoption. Despite what numerous statistics state no one else can speak for MY emotional state except me.... As for as doing whats best for my child, I did....I arranged to have her placed in a loving 2 parent home; granted it was closed but that was the only option available to me 32 years ago.
Amazingly enough, the agency actually placed my child 2 doors away from me and I watched her grow up for 14 years. Despite this unexpected twist, I continued to abide by the adoption agency "rules" and only introduced myself as her b-mom 2 years ago. I found it very hard to watch her grow and not be able to have a say in her development; but I did. I made the supreme sacrafice for my child and I never once considered my comfort level. Theres not a mother anywhere who made a plan of adoption that didn't at some point put the needs of the child first. I wouldn't have demanded anything; certainly not demand that I never be allowed to see my child again, { duh } I simply spoke of not knowing if having scheduled contact was what I would have opted for. I know without a doubt I'd have wanted her records open TO HER should she ever want to find me; but that wasn't an option either. I am simply honest enough to admit what I personally could handle that day.
Its interesting that while I don't dispute your stats; no one has ever told me that my daughter is now able to calm down and focus since our reunion. She is a college educated professional with a stronge sense of self so it seems that unlike your son, she mastered the art of becoming focused years ago. Sure she had questions about her biology, and sure she was in awe of finding people who resembled her, but they didn't prevent her from developing into the woman I hoped she'd become. Her a-parents did an amazing job of giving her roots and a feeling of "belonging."
Maybe she beat the odds....I don't know; any stats on kids who do well despite having been raised in a closed adoption setting? Please post those if you do. Thanks, Missy M