Originally Posted By
Holly
Hi Amanda,
I think you've asked one of the toughest questions. I've talked with so many birthmothers who have gone through this heartache too.
First, I'd suggest that you always try to see things from the other side. My mother always told me to debate anything from both sides and I'd be better off. She's always been right. When I try to argue the opposing point of view I learn so much. So remember that for them this is their grandchild, not just your pregnancy. That's why they'd feel a little ownership in the process or in your decision. Understanding that will help you know how to talk to them.
Also, most birthmother's parents I've interacted with are more concerned about YOU (their child's) happiness. Just remember that this is the here and now so the issue of the grandchild weighs heavier, but I'm sure that if you asked them which they cared more about - you or your child's future and happiness they say both but with you as first.
Here's a comment that helped our birthmother's parents so much: "I'm not giving her up - I'm giving her more." Another thing that really helped was our willingness to meet with the grandparents as well as the birthmother. That did more for their healing than anything I can think of. Maybe this is something that would help your parents too.
Please let me know if I can help in any way - I'd be happy to share our experiences with you.
)
Hugs,
Holly