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Slam me if you like, but IMHO for either the birth parent or adoptive parent to demand a fully closed adoption these days is just plain selfish. Volumes of research support the position that adoptees really benefit from even minimal birth family affiliation as they grow up.
Stacyone's comment "My daughter needs to know where she came from, if she's ever to figure out where she's going." says it all. I remember the awe in my 32 year old son's face when he first visited and was looking at the family pictures around the house. He couldn't believe he was actually looking at the faces of his ancestors for the first time in his life. Even his a/family and close friends say he is more relaxed and focused since our reunion. I'm not saying this has anything to do with me personally, just his ability finally learn about his roots and resolve questions about adoption history.
As far as the statement that everyone is different, and may be "comfortable" with different adoption terms... Well, when we get pregnant before we can parent, or choose to parent a child someone else gave birth to, it should be about accepting responsibility and doing whats best for that child, not what makes us most "comfortable".
Trish
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