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I am a BMom who relinquished in 1960 at the age of barely 16. The whole "closed", secret, guilt, shame, stuff was going on in those days. I don't know that much about open adoptions, I would sure suggest doing some intense research before supporting your daughter in any decision. I can only strongly agree with all that has already been said about "closed" adoptions. I heard from my 42 yo daughter in July '03. I can tell you it has been the best therapy I could have ever received. I had shoved so many emotions that have now been released. No, you NEVER forget. I would be concerned with how an open adoption affects the adoptive parents and most importantly the child. Does it cause confusion, conflict, does the birth parent have any say in how the child is raised? What if the bparent doesn't agree with how the adoptive parents are raising the child? I'm not sure which is worse, the years of not knowing, or seeing the child you love raised by others. What do you tell the child as to why you are involved but did not raise him/her? So many questions, so few answers. Either way, it seems to me that there is pain. Much has been written on this subject and I would sure encourage a lot of research. Relinquishing a child is not a natural event for mother or child, and any time you "go against" nature there is a price to be paid by both. Statistically, many bmoms who relinquish are pregnant again within one year. It is the loss of the child and the desire to "replace" the baby that was relinquished. I don't know if I have helped or not, but perhaps given more food for thought. I wish your family the best in whatever decision you make.
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