[Linny]

Pam:
Our paths have crossed on boards before. Our family has been where you are; and presently, I am in the process of finding another residential home for our RAD (and other dx's) son. In RTC three years, he has made no progress whatsoever....couldn't care about it either. He is agressive, impulsive and very dangerous and he will never live in this home again. (This is the recommendation too.)
Like you, we were denied the info we asked for. Four years of living like an RTC, and we finally wrote our own grant proposal to get state funding. Not only that.....but we contacted an attorney who 'found' the info we were to have had. Oddly enough, the paperwork stating his 'insanity' had the dept's name written all over each copy---stating they received every copy of every report. Hmmmmmmm......we all know what was going on. Unfortunately, we were so 'trusting, when we were given the answer of "No, we can't get that info for you", we had no idea we were being 'tricked'.
Anyway, yes, you will heal. Go on with your lives and love the children who can be saved, as you say.
I continue to tell my story to persons considering older child adoption. It IS a totally different way of parenting...not necessarily 'worse'.....just different. And the expectations from the older adoptions (of which we still have two successful ones), is different than the baby adoptions we have.
Even so, be good to yourselves. You have done what you could and can help others who may/may not find themselves in this predicament.

Sincerely,

Linny