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Sacramento1, it is not easy to support a birthmother through the process of adoption. I know you share many of your daughter's feelings of guilt, fear, and confusion.
I was a teenage bmom without family support. It was an open adoption. I chose the adoptive family and spoke with them on the phone every day for three months. It was a relief to know how my child would be raised, what her parents values were, how much she would be loved. The adoptive parents learned about the birthfather and I, and why we chose adoption. The adoptive parents and I chose not to share any identifying information. It was a decision that we were both comfortable with.
I didn't know if I wanted to see my child when she was born. I chose to be placed in the OB (not the maternity) floor of the hospital and waited to decided if I would see my baby until she was born. Her father and I did hold her and visit her in the nursery.
Fifteen years later, I feel confident that I made the right decisions. In the end, that's what is important.
Encourage your daughter to fully explore her feelings and share them with someone she trusts. It will guarantee that she'll be comfortable with her choices.
I had no support when my child was adopted. When my sister placed a child 14 years later, I visited her and her son in the hospital. I sent her flowers. I commended her loving, unselfish choice. We spent the 1st Mothers Day together. I think it made all the difference in the world to her.
Best wishes to you and your family.
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