"Don't fool yourself into believing she will go on and "get over it". Unless she is incredibly cold and self absorbed the loss of this child will affect every decision she makes for the rest of her life. Many doctors are even linking secondary infertility to the psychological effects of adoption." ~ Patricia
I totally agree with Patricia. She has such a way with words.
Through various support groups, I have met many birthmothers who suffer from secondary infertility. Many of them placed their first child in a closed adoption while in their teens, and were never able to conceive again. In some cases, the infertility was physical in origin, in other cases psychological. Whatever the cause, they were never able to have any more children, and are now past childbearing age.
Think about this. This may be your only grandchild; the only child your daughter will ever have. She may never choose to have any more children. She may never be able to have any more children. It would be nice if she could at least know her child's name, and count on receiving an occasional photo. IMO, birthmothers in open and semi-open adoptions are much better able to carry on with their lives, knowing that their children are loved and cared for. Birthmothers in closed adoptions are often hindered by the fact that they have a child out there somewhere, but they don't know if that child is well; they don't even know if that child is alive or dead. And openness is much better for adoptees in most cases too. Many adoptees have questions about their biological origins, medical history, etc. You can see that this forum is full of posts by birthmothers seeking their children, by adoptees seeking their birthmothers. Why put your daughter and her child through this, when there are other options, better options?
~ Sharon