[ninn]

First of all-breathe deep. You've been given alot to process all at once. It's hard, I know. My daughter was 15 when she had her first baby. She and her boyfriend discussed putting the baby up for adoption, and decided to table it while they just dealt with all the things that come with being pregnant. I never gave an opinion in any direction-even when she asked for one. I told her that it was her life and her decision to make. Then I flooded her with information on all the available choices. However, I had alot more time to work with.

Does your daughter know how long she has after the birth to change her mind? (It varies by state) Does she understand that she can actually choose to keep her baby and that you will be there for her? The hardest thing to do is to stand by and watch her make a choice you know is going to hurt her. In this case, all the options are going to be painful for her. I was very lucky-my Lisa chose to keep her baby. Angela is now 3 and 1/2. She is alternately the delight of my life and the bane of my existence-depending on her mood that day. SHe also has new baby sister, Hailey. Her mommy and daddy are about to get married, and he's joined the army. Lisa has not had it easy-it will be years before she finishes high school, but she made the only choice she could live with. If she is still living at home with you-wouldyou be willing to sacrifice all over again so that she could stay in school? Is she willing to raise her baby under your roof while she finishes? These are questions that go right out of your head the minute someone says "adoption".

My own son was adopted at age 2 in a closed adoption. My grief has been easier to process because i had time with him-I knew what he looked like, what he's allergic to, what foods he like as a toddler. He's 18 now, and I've begun searching for him. Lisa watched me struggle with that pain her whole life(she's my stepdaughter-older than he is), and knew she couldn't live the the constant wondering. She grew up without her own mother in her life, and always wondered what was so terrible about her that her mom left her. She didn't want her own child to feel those things-even if they weren't true.

I wonder if your daughter is afraid that if she keeps her baby, her life will truly be over? Please hug her for me as you help her make her decision. Personally, I hope she keeps the baby and you get to be a gramma. If she chooses adoption-open will help her give voice to the joy as well as the pain. In either case, I definitely recommend seeing a counselor who specializes in the subject. Sorry this rambled so much-I've obviously got a few unresolved issues on the subjec tmyself!! lol