[dimasmom]

While my son was much younger when he came home (almost 4) -we did not start with a well trained attachment therapist until he was almost 8. Taking him back to earlier stages in development was a big part of his treatment.

No one had ever held my son to feed him a bottle, no one had picked him up when he was hurt, no one cuddled him when he felt sad and lonely. I found that we had to go back to his earlier development and correct these wrongs. I treated him like a baby as much as I could.

Bottle feeding was a big hit with my son. Due to RAD, he would engage in a power struggle at first and try to not let me hold the bottle. But I persisted, advising him that I was going to hold the bottle for him - because I missed being able to do that when he was a baby. We used a bottle 1 - 2 times daily during attachment therapy. Then once he was back in school, would have a bottle to reconnect every day when he got home. Eventually went to when he would ask for it. I found that he would want the bottle after a rough day at school.

Along with the bottle feeding, we also encouraged regression in many other ways. We cuddled a lot, I still cuddle with him in the AM to help him wake up. We played lots of toddler games like this little piggy. It was amazing to hear an 8 year old say "do it again" over and over, just like a toddler!!! We did lots of craft work, especially messy things like finger painting and paper machie.

My son is now almost 10 and doing quite well. I believe that babying him for as long as he needed it was a key part of his recovery.

I also agree very much with Art regarding the need for a well trained attachment therapist. My son started therapy at age 5 1/2. He was so violent by age 7 1/2 that I could no longer keep him safe when he raged. None of the earlier therapies helped, I actually feel that he got worse. An attachment therapist is one of the few with training to look at the many issues (not just reactive attachment disorder) that impact on an adopted childs life. Our first therapist was a well respected child psychologist. He was not even able to identify an intense grief reaction in my son (this is easily recognized by therapists skilled in working with adopted/foster children).

Be prepared, both parent and child are in therapy. This is not something where you just drop your child off for an hour and they get better. Therapy with an attachment therapist is very different from traditional therapy. A parent leaves a session with an attachment/adoption therapist with practical tools to use at home. Our kids come with a history and we need to alter our parenting techniques to help them manage that history. Because my sons issues were so significant, I was actually trained in therapeutic parenting. For my son to heal, he needed therapeutic interventions 24/7. It was hard work, but well worth it.

A few things you mention also incline me to suggest you look into sensory integration issues. This is more common in children with a history of neglect. Again, you need to use properly qualified specialists (OTR). Untrained OT's lack the skills to recognize and treat SI. My son can become very ADHD like from sensory overload (for him it's usually auditory). Through OT we have learned a lot of techniques to help him attend and stay focused at home and at school.

Good luck and keep us posted. DimasMom