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I had my daughter when I was 16, so I can relate. She's 3 years old now.. which is crazy... time goes by so fast. I don't so much regret the decision -- it's in the past, nothing I can do to change it. But it was a million times harder than I ever thought it could be. Your daughter will be losing a child, there's no way to put that behind you and move on without a lot of grief.
I can't imagine not having that time in the hospital with my daughter. That's the only time I got to be a real mother, change the diapers, feed her... I still love looking at the pictures of me holding her. I can remember exactly how she looked, how it felt to have her sleeping in my arms. I don't think it made it any harder. Leaving the hospital without your child is never going to be easy.
For the open adoption issue, as hard as this may sound, think less about your daughter and more about your granddaughter/grandson. Keeping them in the dark about where they came from could do more harm than good. I believe that openness in adoption, even if that means just a semi-open adoption, or just letters with no visists, is best for adoptees. This is just from what I've heard talking with others. Of course, if your daughter really feels that it would hurt her to have contact, then don't force it. The worst thing to do would be promise contact and not follow through. Too many people do that.
Even though time is running short, I recommend counseling to help your daughter figure out why she's doing this and if it's really the best option. It sounds like you are really supportive parents, and I hope that if she changes her mind, even at the last minute, you would help her out, at least emotionally. When I was in the hospital, my mom said to me "are you sure you want to do this? If you want to keep her, I still support that." It meant more to me than anything she's ever said. I still felt adoption was my best choice, but it's so much easier to make tough choices when you have people to support you.
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