[condetti123]

Hi. I just wanted to let you know how this birthmom is feeling... 15 years down the road. I got pregnant at 17 and did not have any support from boyfriend or my parents. I also did not have any pre or post counseling. This is the key right here for your daughter to get through this- whatever her decision may be. I know at 17 that I did not have this and was never gave options on a decision about my daughter. I was told closed adoption is the answer- I didn't even know that open adoption existed. I will tell you that with no options, no counseling, and no assurance over the years that she is ok is the very things that are holding me back today. I have three other children now that I am raising and I am finally realizing after 15 years of worrying about my daughter that I have to get help. My life has never been a happy one since I placed my daughter up for adoption. I have only made it through the years because of my children and my husband. I never really had good self-esteem before I was pregnant with my daughter and especially not since. I have had hard times dealing with this over the years but the past several years have been worse and forced me to know I needed counseling. Of course I did, I never got in when I needed it, so long ago. My advice is for you to stand by your daughter and get her into some guidance counseling right now regarding this issue. Also, let her know that you will support her no matter what she decides to do. Let her decide, it is her baby. I would not suggest a closed adoption. I feel that it brings too much pain, worry and grief. I think that it is wonderful that you are on this forum, trying to find some support and advice regarding this very big decision that your daughter will have to make very soon. COUNSELING- PRE AND POST!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! Most important thing that you can do for her. I did not know anything about the adoptive parents and I said that when she was born that I did not want to see her because I knew that if I did that I would change my mind. I had to have a cesearen delivery and the next day, I changed my mind. I asked if I could just see her, not hold her. I knew that if I held her, that I definately would change my mind. I did see her but that is all. I wish so much now that I would have held her. I think that might be a good idea for your daughter, no matter what she decides. Thank you so much for being there for your daughter. I will be praying for your daughter, as well as your family as you work through this to make the best decision for her child and for your daughter. Hugs!!! God bless. Keep us updated.