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Sacramento1 wrote..Originally we wanted to protect my daughter and told her she should have no contact with the adoptive couple and to spend as little amount of time with her baby after the birth as possible.
No contact was the way I did it.. I did not see my baby when he was born.. I was drugged for the delivery.. One day I was pregnant and the next day I was not.. I never met his aparents..
That above did not work.. I did not get over it and move on.
I pretended I did.. That pretending (for the sake of everyone) was toxic..
I cut my emotions off.. I lost my memory of that time.
I still can not remember names.. I wish I could remember names.
I have read letters from birth moms who have held their babies..IMO they seem to have handled it better.. The pain hits hard but the grief process starts.. And that is a good thing..
Grief is good.. The emotions get processed over time and then a person can get on with it.. You can't bypass the grief.
I would suggest you get your girl some therapy after she relinquishes.. Someone not connected with adoption.. someone who will just listen to her.. Someone who will not program her into accepting what is going down..
Open adoption is important tho.
I believe holding the baby and having direct contact after the birth helps a lot.. A person has an image.. A memory..
Pictures and knowing how the child is doing is prime..
Not knowing was horrible.. I had to live through not knowing for thirty five years.. No fun..
Believe me you do not forget..
Jackie
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