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I am a birthmother; I was sixteen when I placed, one year older than your daughter is now. Your daughter is fortunate to have the support of you and her family. I did not have family support; I was not even living at home at the time I was pregnant.
That said, I agree with the other posters that this is your daughter's child, and your daughter's choice. It's her show, basically. Your job is to support whatever decisions she makes. Most adoption professionals in this day and age promote open adoption as being a healthier and less traumatic option for both birthmothers and adoptees. I've not heard of any mental health professionals in recent years who advise birthmothers not to see their babies prior to relinquishment. It really is imparative, IMO, that your daughter see and spend time with her baby after the birth if she's ever to have any sense of closure.
During my pregnancy, I tried to fool myself into believing that I was just ill, that I had a tumor or something, not a baby in my belly, that after nine months I would be "cured" of this illness and could forget about it and go on with my life. This worked out pretty well for the first trimester, because I literally was ill; I felt sick unto death and had to be hospitalized on two occasions because my nausea was so severe I couldn't even hold down water. But by the second trimester, the self-deception was no longer possible. Once the baby was moving, it was no longer possible to imagine that it was anything other than a child, MY child. And it was not possible to prevent myself from bonding with my child; after all, it's not like I could get away from him; he was inside me, my constant companion for all those months, my travelling partner in the most difficult and painful journey of my life.
If you have ever been pregnant then you KNOW what it's like, biologically speaking. The fact that one is making an adoption plan does not alter one's basic feelings for and about the baby. IMO, what you are asking of your daughter is simply too much. Like any mother, she has every right to decide for herself whether or not she will see her baby, and whether or not she will continue to have contact with her child's adoptive family once he or she is relinquished. She is lucky to have a supportive family... but ONLY if her family supports her decisions, not suggests things to her which run counter to both her best interest and her baby's. Please educate yourselves about the benefits of open adoption for both mother and child before rejecting it out of hand.
Best of luck to you, ~ Sharon
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