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Sacramento1,
I, too, am an adult adoptee rather than a birthmother. Hopefully some of the birthmothers on this forum will respond to you shortly.
I'm also a mother of a 9 year old daughter. 15 seems miles away, but I can empathize with the situation you are in. I've tried to think of how I would respond if, in a few years, my own daughter were in that situation.
First, have you asked your daughter why she is choosing an adoption plan for her child? Being a mother at 15 would be difficult, but by your looking for information to help her, it seems to me that she has a great support system. Might parenting be an option, with your support? Perhaps she just needs to hear that you would support her decision if she chose to parent her child instead of placing it for adoption.
If adoption is truly what she wants, it looks as if you already know the options. Completely closed to totally open, and everything in between. Which option you choose depends on what will be best for your daughter, what will be best for the adoptive parents, and what will be best for the child. No one plan fits everyone.
In trying to look out for the best interests of my daughter (if she were in this situation), I would first try to ensure that she fully knows her adoption options. I would also let her know that, if she chooses any form of open adoption that the contract is (at this point) not legally binding - so to be sure to be very comfortable with the adoptive parents and as sure as possible that they'll follow through. I'd ask her what she sees are the pros and cons of every option, and which one she feels most comfortable with. In choosing a form of open adoption, I'd ask if she is sure she can follow through with the requirements of that plan - when she goes off to college, will she still be able to visit once a year as she promises? If not, that will only hurt her child. Does she fully understand that the adoptive parents are the parents, and that she can't simply decide to "drop by" whenever she feels? If not, that's also hurtful to the child and the adoptive parents. If she chooses a completely closed adoption, is she sure that she's comfortable with never knowing where her child is, or how he/she is doing? If not, closed isn't an option she should pursue.
Bottom line, I guess I'd advise assisting her in exploring her options, asking her questions, but not dictating to her what she should do. If you act as support, and let her know you'll love her no matter what she chooses, that's the best way to act in her best interests.
Kristie
Adult Adoptee
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