[hockeycoachmomo]

The problem you describe with your family is a pretty common one. If you decide to adopt this little girl, you would be doing what some adoptive parents call "artificial twinning", adopting a child that is within a year of age of one of the children you already have. I can certainly understand your hesitation. As parents, we don't want to do anything to hurt the children who are already in our family, as much as we want to help the other child.

In my experience, it is more difficult to adopt/foster a child that is close in age to one of yours. There tends to be a lot more rivalry and competing for attention. But, I have seen it work out time and time again. The key to making it work is to make sure that your birth daughter understands that she is still just as important and that you will not ever love her less. Easier said than done, of course!

I think you really need to take the personalities of both of the children into account and have them spend as much time together as possible before making your final decision. Try spending time with them together and see if any problems show up.

I think that if you are willing to work at it, you can show your daughter and son what a wonderful thing it is to bring another child into your family to love. They will also learn that everyone in the family will need to make changes and sacrifices for the new child. The key is to make it a labor of love to avoid resentment on the part of the older kids. I would try emphasizing that this little girl is going to need their help and understanding and try to make them more a part of the decision making process.

Another suggestion I have is to talk to the little girl's caseworker and see if the services of a counselor would be available to you and your family about this situation. A counselor who is familiar with the kids or a situation like this, would be able to give you a lot of practical tips about how to handle this so it will work out for everyone involved.

I hope this helps, if you think of any other questions, please let me know.

Michelle