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" I have a question for you, I want my bmom to read the Primal Wound....but I am scared that she will think that I am trying to punnish her with guilt.....which I am not - I just want her to better understand ALL sides of adoption (she has trouble putting herself in my shoes - those are her words). Should I recommend that book or is that waaaaaay too heavy? Just wondering since were talking about sharing adoption info." ~ Fatbirdy
I would not, under any circumstances, recommend at this point sending your birthmother ANY material about the "Primal Wound" theory. It is ONLY a theory, and it is given no credence whatsoever by many (I think it's fair to say, most) in the adoption community. It is not based on any medical or scientific evidence.
It has been thoroughly debunked by many qualified adoption professionals. Many adoptees and aparents resent the assumptions it makes; many birthparents are horrified by it. I can't think of a better way to drive your birthmother away than to begin sending her "Primal Wound" material. Maybe someday when you know each other a lot better, you could discuss it, on a purely theoretical level. At this early stage in your relationship, I can almost guarantee you it would be a serious mistake. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think taking this step would run counter to your stated desire to develop a closer relationship with your birthmother.
I am not trying to insult you or your decision to believe in "Primal Wound". If this theory helps you feel better, then that's fine for you. But I would would strongly advise against trying to push or even propose this entirely unproven theory to others, ESPECIALLY your birthmother. It is simply not going to be helpful to your cause. I can't imagine a worse mistake an adoptee could make in the initial stages of reunion.
Best of luck to you, ~ Sharon
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