[Chuckslilly]

I am a birthmother. I was reunited with my son 3 years ago. He is in graduate school. We talk online but have only been together once since our original meeting in December of 2000. I have 3 other children all of which are married. I do love him as much as my other kids and realize daily all of the things ive missed sharing with him. I support him as well as i can emotionaly online using instant messanger. He is gay and came out to his parents just moths prior to us meeting the first time. He still hasnt told them that hes found me. I try to include him in all my family ocaisions. He didnt come to either of his siblings weddings this past year. I sometimes get the feeling hes embarassed by me as his adoptive parents are very well to do, we are middle class. I woke up this morning with a feeling I havent felt since before we met the first time. Birthmothers will agree with me about that feeling of emptiness, wanting, needed to see their child. We live 7 hours apart and with jobs and school its hard to get together. I do love him as much as my other kids and so very much miss the chance to expierence everything with him. I dreamed last night he asked me, "How come you never took me to the pond to find frogs?" Sure it hurt, it hurts bad.