[elk134]

I just stumbled across this forum today. It has been what I have been needing! I felt like such an unfit parent for not falling in love with our two teenage kids placed for adoption from foster care. It is so great to hear others feeling similar emotions. However, I do worry because unlike many others who are afraid that if they say something about their feelings, "they" will come take the baby, I almost feel as if that would be a relief if the agency said we could no longer parent these children. The kids have been with us for 2 and 1/2 months now. I feel no better about them now than I did when they first moved in. Is this a bad sign? Or have others taken longer to even feel some sort of attachment starting?

I have sought professional help. I have been visiting a psychologist regularly for about a month now. Still no change in feeling though. We have a boy and girl-14 year old twins. I am okay with the girl, not attached, but okay. But I just am having a hard time even liking the boy, much less loving him. His quirkly behaviors are annoying and embarrassing in public. It is the type of behavior you might expect from a misbehaving toddler, not an almost grown young man!

The therapist had me start writing in a journal everyday at least three things I like about him or that he did that was "right" that day. I am having a hard time coming up with three things every day. I have told the caseworker and the rest of the foster care team my feelings even. I have not heard any response from any of them. Maybe they are hoping that if they ignore it, the problem will go away after the adoption- because in reality, chances of these kiddos getting adopted at their age are pretty slim. (Our adoption is not yet final. I legally could change my mind and have no repercussions for me and DH, however, I am pretty sure there will be repercussions on the kids. I think they would be upset and lose all faith in parents/the system, etc. I don't want that, but I don't want to feel this way either.)

Has anyone adopted older children? Teen age children? If so, how long until you found yourself attached? Was there anything you did that help you?