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My Heart
I do not know how I feel, though I am happy for my son that his birth mom looked him up, I have a pain in my heart. I try to keep it to myself and see how he has developed since he met his birth father. The man is very nice and did not even know what sex the baby had been so long ago. He visits his Dad and sisters every few weekends now and in between comes and see me. My son lives at college and is a wonderful student. My problem is that I feel lost, confused, and lonely. I kind of feel my entire life as a mom was pretend. They talk about backgrounds, faces that look alike and once agin I feel left out. The same way when all my family was getting pregnant and I could not..I just do not know where I belong. When my son has his own child I now have to share the title of grandmother with others and I know that the child will grow up knowing and having such a young grandma compare to me..The birth mom was 18 when she had my son and the Dad was 16..I was 35 when I adopted him..he is now almost 20..I say nothing is wrong but I turn my head and say everything is......lost mom
by the way the birth mom said I used a black market agency which is not true ..lost dream
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