[kswidan]

I remember sewing my maternity clothes,2 outfits, making a layette out of soft flannel that my mother bought me. She didn't tell me the baby wouldn't be coming home. My stepfather threatened me not to tell since I was 12. I sat on a bus alone and scared, never away from home before on my way to Savannah from Albany GA. When I arrived, the housemothers showed me donated clothes I could pick from. Showed me a ward with several other girls to my bed. I never got a mail from my mom, I wanted to write but I didn't have a nickel for a stamp so I would recycle stamps from the trash and reuse them. I was put on kitchen duty, making scrambled eggs in a big pan or oatmeal in a huge pot for everyone. I remember learning solitaire from an older rich girl and she called me stupid because I couldn't get the concept. We took tours of the old Savannah homes, were treated to dinner sometimes from charities. We went to the Pirates house restaurant and I remember the dessert with sparklers and peach leather, a dried peach treat.
Sometimes there were movies, we had samores one day but I needed a nickel for the chocolate so I didn't get a samore. I was too embarressed to tell anyone I didn't even have a nickel. Still no letters, no money.
I went into labor and was taken to the hospital. I remember the horrible embarressment when I had to be shaved while in terrible pain by a big black woman who was mean and yelling at me. They laughed at me when I told them my age. I was strapped to the flat gurney and my back hurt worse than the labor as I struggled to be on my side to ease the back pain.

I remembered a strange feeling of echoed sounds as the ether was put over my face, was that my voice screaming? The next thing I knew, a nurses aide was bringing in the baby girl wrapped in a blanket. I held her for a few minutes not even understanding that this was my daughter, my baby, because I was so young. Then a nurse came in and yelled at the aide, I remember her saying, My God, she's not supposed to see that baby! and whisked her away.

I received almost rehearsed sympathy back the FCH. I was torn about 9 inches and had to have a sitz bath and a heat lamp to heal. Shortly after, I received a call from Ms Bargeron, one of the housemothers. My family had moved to Michigan and I was being flown there. My school transcripts would be fixed so they appeared I was in school instead of a home in Savannah.

My mother had an apartment. My stepfather was still there, I had a room with my sister, 4 years younger than me. I had grown up a lot, and realized he had gotten to my 12 year old sister. I confronted him, told him that I would kill him if he touched her again. We moved to a rent house. My sister never confided in me but she had a nervous breakdown at 16. My mother knew about my stepfather but never did anything to protect me or my sister. I didn't find out she knew until I was married and my boys were teenagers.

They divorced and he remarried but was caught molesting his own girls, he killed himself before he could be prosecuted.

My mother passed away but never confessed to me that she knew. She told my older sister. My younger sister Shelly, is a seamstress, has children and I believe she is happy in Michigan but I haven't talked to her in a long time. I was married 25 years to a wonderful man, I have two wonderful sons and three beautiful grandchildren. I work for an oil and gas company in Houston and plan to retire next year at 60.

Somehow, I made it through all this, I had to. By the way, it wasn't my first pregnancy. I was pregnant at 13 by my stepfather and had a son in Columbus GA at a hospital there, also adopted out or sold by my mother and stepfather in secrecy. I lost my teen and preteen years, I was threatened and my mother and sister were. I thought I was protecting them by staying silent. I sacrificed for them but I honestly don't think my mother would ever have believed me anyway.

If you're out here, Katherine Edith Walsh or Flint, April 12,1966, I hope you did okay and I'm sorry. If you're out there Joseph John Walsh or Flint, December 12, 1964, I'm sorry, I was just a little girl and I hope you did okay.