[pookaphanlo]

Hello,
I am an adoptee who was adopted from within the family. My birth family are my uncle, aunt and brother. I was thirteen when I found out by myself in boarding school because everyone constantly told me how alike my cousin and I looked. I didnt tell my family for four months that I knew. During my winter holidays, my principal phoned my mother and told her that I knew.
My mother came and spoke to me about it that night. I didnt have a problem with being adopted. I was alright. My birth family had always been a part of my life. I have always considered them a close aunt and uncle...but never a second set of parents. My birth mother spoke to me about it and said that they loved me and all of that. That I wasnt given away because they didnt want me. She knew I would be a part of her family, so she thought it was alright.
Everything was fine. I was fine. Untill my adopteive father died. My birth mother felt horrible that she landed u giving me to a family where I sufferede parental bereavement. I was alright with it. You know life has no certainty in these matters. It happened, so it happened. But she was'nt alright. Feelings of guilt clouded her too much. My birth family was moving away to a different counrty. Trouble in the adoption triad started when she wanted to have me go with her to the new counrty. Leave my mother and go. This was unacceptable to me. I didnt say anything...bevause i knew I'd break her heart if I said anything more. So I waited till she left.
I have been distressed many times whith some of the issues arising, but with the help of counselling (I am currently a peron-centred trainee counsellor), I'm feeling better, drawing boundaries with her. She coming down to meet me after 5 years, and I feel alright with it. As long as she doesnt try to take over, which she wont, I'll be alright. She's an aunt and always will be a close aunt of mine.
My point is, problems arise, But if we a re willing to reflect on ourselves and being aware of our own motives, then things can be worked out. One of things that i am aware of has been how much my adoptive mother has been through in her own way, but through out she has been the only one who has looked out for me...sacrificed her own sanity to and well being, to keep me happy. Put my feelings befor e hers and I cant tell you honourable and noble I think she has been. I love her to bits. Moreover, after my father's death, over these 7 years, our relationshi has blossomed so beautifully. We look out for each other and are each other's comapnions. If you want to talk about any issues regarding famiy adoption, Let me know..I'll be glad to help. Hope its all going well.. And dont worry..challenges will come, lost of them, but also remember that you will get through them, you will.!!