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Originally Posted by oceanica
I am in oa for my 2 babies, pure and simple.
However, of course I feel grateful to their bmoms, and want to honor their wishes, and want to do what I can to make them feel good.
The main thing is that I want them to stay involved, and keep in contact, so that when the babies get bigger they will know them. That's for the babies. But don't get me wrong, I am thankful too. They are both very young, and will no doubt go on to a lot more life ahead of them. Already the contact is all coming from me, and there are times when my daughter's bmom disappears. So what can I do to keep them interested and involved, as well as help them understand how thankful I am? What can I do if anything to help with the suffering they are going through?
(I am looking for constructive advice from bmoms in oa, so if you are an angry person from the closed era, I'm sorry, however it may not apply here.)
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Start a group on here or yahoo or even a blog that is private, give the b-moms the web addy have them sign in, keep updates there, and occasionally send them reminders that you are doing it, say every other month. That way they can sign and and read what you are posting they can ask questions or just leave their own update. Something you can make copies of and save for the children. That way if one disappears for awhile she will be able to find the web site anytime she has access to a computer. Don't stop what you are doing it will be great for the kids later.
It was hard in the old closed system with never knowing anything not even if your child is alive or dead. I imagine it is hard for bmom's in open knowing but not being a part of their lives. As they mature they will be things will take a turn, as they have more years to live with this it may get better.
Just don't stop.
Thanks