[BlackSheep]

kellyd-

I didn't see where you said the state your daughter was adopted in. I was born and adopted in Colorado. There is a CI program here as well as registry through the state that will contact if there is a match. The internet was not an option at the time I searched as it was still in its infancy. I used the CI program, the only program that I knew was available. I would have tried on my own if my aparents would let me have all the paperwork they had. I guess that didn't cross either of our minds as I still don't have the paperwork from them, but I did know my mother's maiden name and it was not a common one.

Having a third party make initial contact has been what I have found be the best way, less pressure on my bparents since they didn't feel like I "ambushed" them and when their first reaction was no (my bdad's) they didn't feel that they were rejecting me all over again.

I did find bmom first and paid big bucks to do so. It is more expensive now than then. I got my bdad's name, most likely location for contact and his job. It took me almost 15 years to feel the need to make contact but had debated it for many prior to that. The internet was my source of tracking him down. I did not, however, make first contact. I had a phone number, cross checked it with several web sites to verify that he would be the right age, etc. My DH found it and called when I was at work. Yes, his first reaction was the knee-jerk no, I don't want to talk to her. DH yes, OK, but you need to know....then he changed his mind. We have been getting to know each other since last Nov. My relationship with bmom changed for the better after that. We now have a more mother-daughter relationship than we ever did before. I can see that there are bitter feelings on both bmom's and bdad's part about each other, but, I don't know, maybe I'm helping them to see that there was something good to come out of a relationship that obviously effected both of them deeply. I live just about halfway between the two of them, bdad is in OH and bmom is in CA.

For myself, I would go through a third party to make initial contact. Someone that you trust very deeply and will "plead your case", if you will should aparents run interference. Aparents won't feel so intimidated if it is not you directly, but your advocate. Just my opinion....

I wish you all the luck and blessings in the world.