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Originally Posted by jennlk
One other question - emom wants to meet our dd. Part of me wants to wait, should we decide to wait for her to meet family. Other part of me wants to make the intro so our dd has a connection as well; but I don't want to hurt her either should this fail for some reason.
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You must have posted this while I was responding to your other question.
How old is your daughter?
I think it's probably important to the emom to meet your daughter. She may want to meet your daughter to get a sense of your parenting style or to be reassured or something. I doubt that building a connection is a high priority at this time.
Our son was 31 months when we were matched with a just born baby. We hadn't told him of our plans to adopt because we had no idea if/when we would be matched. We didn't want him to live in a state of uncertainty, especially given how young he was.
We had to wait 3 days after birth for the mom to sign TPR and 70 days for the dad search before his rights were terminated. We did not want to tell our son that this was our baby until we knew it was. So we just told him that we were taking care of her. As the weeks passed, he asked why we got her from the hospital and I told him, "She needed someone to take care of her." Once all the TPR was done and we had a finalization date, then we told him we were going to adopt her which meant she would be his sister forever.
So you can tell your daughter the bare minimum truth. "This is our friend Suzie," and leave it at that. If you have told your daughter that you plan on adopting and she asks, you can tell her Suzie is deciding if she wants to parent her baby or if she wants to place. I wouldn't give more information than your daughter asks for.