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We are slowly getting to know our baby's birthmom. Our baby is 11 months and we just met with the birthmom for the 3rd time today. I have only recently shared her first name with my parents. Part of the slowness is she originally thought she wanted a closed adoption. Over time, she has initiated some contact with us. When she said I could start sending her updates on the baby, I started emailing her once a month. Slowly our relationship is growing. I'm grateful for this because I think it is better for all of us. Kind of like a relationship that starts out as a friendship then moves on to romance. Much healthier than a whirlwind romance and marriage after a long weekend.
Each person is different and how much contact they want will vary. However, it seems the thing to remember is you don't have a birthmom yet, you have an expectant mom who is planning on placing with you. She's got a whole lot of hard times ahead of her. It could help her to know that the baby will be in such a happy extended family. It could also make it harder for her to choose to parent if she has so many people she thinks she will disappoint. As much as you want a baby, I can't imagine you would want her to relinquish due to social pressure (and I've heard of that happening) rather than from her own inner voice.
So as easy as it is to want to pull her into your life, I'd recommend going slowly. If she places with you, you've got plenty of time to bring her into your world.
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