[DianeS]

Hi, there, and welcome! Here's my stab at answering the questions you posted.

Originally Posted by drevans1

1) What ( in your opinion) is a good age to begin the process? If i havent had children the old fashioned way in the next couple of year should i begin when im, 30? 35? i dont want to be an old parent, but at the same time i dont want to give up on my original dream too soon. When do you throw in the towel?

Different places have different minimum ages before they'll approve you to adopt. Some states require that you be 18. Others require that you be 21. If you want to adopt internationally, you as a single person must be at least 25. Some countries require that you be at least 30.

Other than that, when you choose to alter the order of your dream is up to you. (Remember that adopting a child does not mean that you're giving up falling in love and getting married. That might still happen. So I'm calling it "altering the order of your dream" rather than throwing in the towel on your dream. Hope that's OK.

2) From day 1 of first meeting with someone to set up the adoption process, how long would it be until i ahve a baby? (I KNOW I KNOW it varies)...but is 2 years average? 5 years?

This varies SO MUCH that nobody will be able to give you an estimate. Some international countries have stable timelines, and if you chose to adopt from there you'd know at the beginning of your process how long it would take - in some cases you'd know down to the month how long it would take. (But that could be any timeline, some have waits of 8 months or so, some have waits of more than three years.)

In other countries the timeline varies. The type of child you request will affect the timeline a lot. For instance, most countries have more boys waiting for adoption than girls. So if you want a boy or if you don't care, you'd wait less time than if you request a girl.

Same thing with age - the older the child, the more likely one is waiting for adoption already. If you request an infant, you might have to wait for one to be brought to the orphanage. If you request a 5 year old, one might already be waiting.

For domestic, there are usually not any lists to move up, it is likely to depend on how long it takes for someone to pick you. And that can be as annoying as waiting for someone to ask you out! It could happen tomorrow, it could happen in 2 years. Each agency can take an educated guess on how long it will take to adopt through them, based on the number of expectant parents they are working with and the number of hopeful adoptive parents they are working with.

If timeline is important to you, you'll have to narrow down the type of adoption you are interested in before we could narrow down the timeline that will affect you.

3)Have you found that domestic or international adoptions are more suitable for single parent adoptions?

Nope. You have to be careful about the country, of course. Some international countries don't allow singles to adopt from them. And some have requirements for travel and spending time with the child that make doing it as a single more troublesome.

But in the USA, you might run into expectant parents making adoption plans because they want their child to have two parents.

If you pick your country (USA or international) carefully, and are aware of all the issues that make adopting as a single different, you shouldn't have any particular issue.

4) Will i be looked at as 'mean' if i say i dont want a disabled child? i may want one some day, im a nurse and i feel i could benefit them, but being in my 20s with a first baby, knowing you are going into it as a single parent, i just think having a 'normal' ( not politically correct i know, im sorry its 2am and i cant think) child would be hard enough! i dont mean for it to sound like i want Baby#1 as a trial baby, but i just dont think i can handle any serious disabilities.

Well, there are always people who say you should do "more", aren't there? You must give to "this" cause, or help "that" charity, or assist "those" people. You can't do anything about that except grow a thicker skin.

In asking for a healthy baby (or at least one whose issues are mild or easily correctable), you will be part of the majority of adoptive parents.

If you were pregnant, it would be socially acceptable to say "boy or girl, blond haired or brown, we don't care as long as it's healthy". Most adoption professionals and others who have adopted have the same attitude. There will always be nay-sayers, but you learn to ignore them.

5) is it hard to get a domestic baby? is it easier for international adoption to get a young baby? it doesnt have to be newborn, but somewhere around toddler age or younger i would prefer.

It's not particularly hard. I mean, don't sign up for an agency that's working with three expectant parents if there are 100 hopeful adoptive parents with the same agency. Be sensible. But LOTS of people adopt domestically each year, and the ones I see most on this site don't feel that it was particularly difficult.

Costs vary, agencies differ, and expectant parents do unexpected things. It's a roller coaster. But plenty of people make it through and are raising great kids who became their family through adoption.

As for "easier"? That depends on your definition. Some people think cheaper = easier. Some people think fast = easier. Some people think meeting a toddler who already has a personality showing = easier. Others feel that choosing a newborn whose personality they can get to know gradually = easier. Some think a predictable process = easier. Others feel that not knowing how long it will be, so they don't get more stressed as they get closer to a deadline = easier.

It really varies.

It's important to note that it's pretty much impossible to get a newborn through international adoption. Almost all (maybe all) international countries require that children who are available for adoption be offered to citizens of that country, exclusively, for a period of some months before they can be offered to citizens of other countries. Then you have a period of time to match the child, and then complete the adoption. If the child was not available at birth, the wait before someone can adopt the child across international boarders can be even longer. Most international adoptees are a year or so (sometimes older) before they are brought home, even if they technically became available for adoption at birth.

On the flip side, it's very difficult to find a toddler or preschooler or older child in the USA who is available for adoption. (Unless you adopt from foster care, which is a whole different kettle of fish entirely.) For the most part, parents make an adoption plan for their child at birth or not at all. If the parents of an older child must find somewhere else for that child to live (because the parent has a terminal disease, for instance), the child most often goes to live with relatives. It's extremely rare for a parent to voluntarially place an older child for adoption with strangers.

So the age of the child you are most interested in will in some ways guide you in your USA vs international decision.

I hope this helped. I hope you'll stick around and read a bunch of threads in each of the forums. Check out requirements for various international countries, and requirements for the USA. Learn costs, and timelines, and possible roadblocks and detours. Use the informatino to examine your life, and decide what type of child you can best parent.

Good luck, and post back if/when you have more questions!