[GlamRock]

Using liver as punishment is odd, but not really abuse. I can't really comment on the hot sauce though. I think it depends on the context. To be honest, I don't think it would ever be an appropriate punishment.

I do understand their concerns about paddling. Given that so many kids come from abusive homes, physical discipline really isn't appropriate at all ever for foster or adoptive kids. On top of that, you are also using an instrument to hit them with (a paddle). A LOT of people I see with "attachment issues" were spanked regularly. Every single abusive parent I've met started out spanking and things escalated from there, usually because the parent felt that it was "necessary" or that they couldn't discipline any other way (you can). My kid's room would be spartan and their allowance $0 before I would resort to spanking or paddling.

I'm not saying that you are abusing your children, but you have to understand that it looks really bad. Especially on paper, and being read by people who don't live in your house. Really try to see it from the social worker's perspective. At 2pm they have an appointment with someone who paddles (and is abusive), at 3pm they have an appointment with someone who paddles (but isn't abusive). It can be really hard to tell the difference between them.

Also, the only age that open-palm spanking is ever appropriate is 3-11. And even then, it is supposed to be a punishment of last resort. If a client of mine were spanking on a regular basis, I would recommend parenting classes to them. But you mention that it was only for the first two years. You could make a case that your kids have thrived since being placed with you, and that it's rare that you have to use that punishment (if that's the case). And definitely read some books made for adults who were abused as children. I highly recommend "Toxic Parents," which is a classic and is required reading in some social work classes. A lot of foster kids deal with these issues and it's a great way to see a situation through their eyes.

I do wish you luck with trying to adopt another sibling group, as you seem very nice.