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Originally Posted by Gwen72
I am a birthmother and an adoptive mother. I have to say that I think you need some serious counseling before you find your birth mother. You are so angry and spiteful right now. You accuse her of being selfish, greedy, ignorant, heartless. When I placed my son I was a teenager in high school. My parents threatened to kick me out if I kept the baby. The father of the baby denied the baby was his. His father was an abusive alcoholic, his mother was dying of breast cancer. The only grandparents I had living were alcoholic and my grandfather is extremely violent. Both of my parents are only children and I have no aunts, uncles, cousins. I was alone. I feel I had no choice but to place my son for adoption. Should I have dropped out of school at 16 and lived on the street alone with a newborn? He deserved better. I received no money for his adoption so you cannot accuse me of "money being more important than family." Speaking of family, the family that called me a whore for getting pregnant and the family that threatened me into giving up my baby, they said they could not believe I "gave away their own flesh and blood." They called me selfish, they called me ignorant. I have lived with pain you can't imagine. You are a man and you couldn't fathom what it's like to carry a baby for 9 months and then let him go. In your state of mind right now you can't understand how a mother loves her son so much that she does the best thing for him even though it almost kills her. I have dreamed since the day he was born that one day I will see him again and tell him how much I love him. I think about him every day and still miss him terribly. However, if he wrote me your letter I would refuse to see him. I couldn't handle all that hate and vitriole from him. Obviously since I have a birth son I am not "biologically defective" so that is not the reason I went on to adopt a son. My life came full circle and I was in a position to do for my adopted son what I could not do for my birthson. My birthson's mother was in different circumstances but they were just as dire as mine were when I placed. I love my adopted son with all my heart, soul and every fiber of my being. He is loved, adored, nurtured and accepted for who he is. You seem to have the same hate for all adoptive mothers that you do for your birthmother. I guess a girl just can't win with you. I hope you get some counseling and work on all this hate while you search for your birthmother. All that pent up rage is hurting you physically and mentally. If you find a way to let go of it you will be happier and healthier and you will be in a good place in your life when you do find your birthmom. Maybe you could develope a relationship with her. Maybe everything could turn out terrific. However, I think if you find her while you are in this state of mind you will scare her off and then you will really be all alone. You probably think I'm the devil since I am a birth and adoptive mom, but I really wish you some peace and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
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I don't HATE ALL adoptive mothers? Not at all. In fact for 34 years I was morbidly hopeful my biological mother's reason for giving me up was at least comparative to yours. Having said that by now YOU would have contacted me.
What's more Im not looking for an explaination as to "why" but prefer the answers of who I am and where I begin.
I think you underestimate traveling the path of life with no understanding of your own beginning. My belief is: No beginning...No end.
So if my biological mothers hasn't magaged to get her **** together by now and let me know, I have to assume she gave me up and let life go on without any consideration for me. YOU being an example. You are so engaged in the issue you responded to ME! So she isn't you by a long shot.
My letter was to MY adoptive mother. Not ALL adoptive mothers.
Finally, let me say to you I was adopted by the Easter House. Because frankly speaking I don't believe my adoptive parents would have qualified to own a Pet much less a child.
I AM ANGRY. Why shouldn't I be?
You give me one good reason? There isn't one. My anger over this isnt holding me back in life, or making me beat up neighborhood children etc.
But the fact is I am angry. and anyone who suggests I should be anything other than that is: 1. aware of their family or b. part of the the "big white wash" of "be happy and greateful your in a better life"
its crap