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It sounds like it may be time to start searching for her. You have so many questions that only she can answer. There's a few "search angels" on this site who are really good at what they do. Maybe you should reach out to them and ask for help.
Good luck on your journey, and I honestly hope you find the answers to all your questions. You deserve that much...so does every person on this planet.
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 ~~Raven~~
What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900)
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