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When you got her, was the intent foster or do you really want to adopt? You mentioned not having kids, but I don't want to assume.
I was used to being very independent and having my own personal space. I am 30++. However, I had two rooms designated for little ones for over four years. So I welcomed the invasion of physical space!
It was hard for me to get used to the gender role bias. My DH is loving and helps out, but he would think nothing of making his work & errands more important than mine, and i would feel exhausted caring for her as the sole person when he was gone -- I could never be a single parent. God bless those that make it work. Our friends were great, though. They didn't let our new addition crap the social scene. They fully want us to take her everywhere, so I never felt as if I had to make too many social adjustments because of a child.
With that said, I never ever felt it wasn't right nor did I question the mental invation of space. Yes, I do relish the moments when I can drink coffee alone or go on the internet without her pulling on the keyboard or tugging at me. I make sure to get up and go to bed hours before/after her to claim my mental space. I get no sleep. But being a parent, to me, is worth it.
Here is a thought and I don't mean it to sound judgemental. As a working mom, I use day care, too. However, I took time off to bond and nest. If you are juggling work, a husband, and a child, that's a lot overnight. I know it sucks to take off time not knowing if the placement is going to work out, but can you take off at least two weeks? I would think that you really need to get to know this little girl and establish routines for her and yourself that will make a successful experience of it all.
Don't be afraid to ask for help from your family. It sounds as if they love her. You need rest too. She is probably not sleeping well and keeping you up and you are tired.
That said, if you are having doubts about not having your space, then maybe you are right to think about reconsidering before she gets attached and the prev. foster home gets another placement. You won't get your space back for 15+ years. And from 3 to 8 they are very demanding of your attention ". . . look at me, look at me."
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