[jcsunshine]

I am a cancer survivor and my husband is a physician. We can understand the magnitude of health issues and the joy of overcoming them. I have learned to manage my own anxiety of scans and check ups. We have a sleeping dragon in our lives already. Can I really ask my husband to worry about losing me AND a child? I see people surviving and thriving through cancer and Hep C and he sees hospice and liver failure. He isn't a pessimist... but his reality is very different than the average person due to his profession and what he sees on a daily basis at the hospital. If I pressure him into this then we all lose. I don't want to wake up 10 years from now with a sick or dying child and a husband who blames me for pressuring him into this gamble. I am educated enough to know that the risk of transmission is low... but do I really want to take that risk or expose my new baby to it? We weren't sure we could get pregnant after all the chemo so this pregnancy is a miracle. (all pregnancies are miracles but this was fairly unexpected)

The little guy is loved and has family just not a traditional mom and dad. He isn't sitting in foster care or an institution. His grandma isn't sure about finding another couple to adopt him but I think he would be a blessing to a family... but in my heart I don't think it can be our family.