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Originally Posted by Lolo88
A couple specific questions:
-Any tips or things I should be aware of in terms of relationships between bio and adopted siblings?
-I am strangely nervous about people assuming that infertility is our primary motivation when it isn't...but I'm learning that people have lots of misconceptions about adoption and that infertility really isn't the "primary" motivation for anyone...thoughts on how to respond to the silly things others say?
-Not sure when/how to tell the family...wondering if they will try to pressure us to "try harder" for bio kids...what are others experiences and suggestions on this?
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I think it is pretty unusual to choose adoption over bio first when you have a choice. I didn't realize that until after we'd decided on our path! LOL
So people have assumed we had IF issues. That used to bug me too. I suppose because it seemed to suggest something negative about adoption. But I don't really get many comments about that (I think most people just keep it to themselves). And the few comments I do get haven't been that bad. Mostly I have just let them go and let people think what they want.
Overall our families and others have been very positive about the adoptions. If anything I would complain about people being too positive - because we get comments about what wonderful people we are for being
willing to adopt. Yesterday someone actually called me an "unsung hero" {
cringe, major cringe} for having adopted through foster care. As though my children are some sort of charity case. My MIL has said stuff like "oh, just imagine where these poor kids would be without you and DH". Well, actually they would likely have some other perfectly acceptable adoptive family. I've told her that several times. I don't know for sure, but I wonder if this type of reaction might be more common in instances where there are no infertility issues. It's irritating but I think it's gotten a bit better as the kids get older.
I can't really speak to the relationships between the siblings question because my kids are all still so young. They don't understand what adoption is yet. But they all get along great now. I see no reason to anticipate more than the normal sibling stuff.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have both bio and adopted children. Because I think going through both the adoption process and the pregnancy/birth process helped me grow as a person and as a parent. And I think there are plenty of good reasons to do adoption first. Certainly it worked out the best for us.
I wish you well in your journey! Keep us posted!
